13. Bondage

When does comfort and stability shift into stagnation and irritability?

This is the 14th posting in a series of 73, released every 5th day in 2025

0. Momentum Metanoia 1. The Root: Fuel’s Potential 2. The Organism Prism 3. From All to Part 4. Rooted Right In 5. Ego Formation 6. “I Am” (Aries) 7. Seeing Survival, Rising Above It 8. Pain as a Teacher 9. Distinct Yet Inseparable 10. Sacral Center: Initiation 11. The Embodied Experience 12. “I Have” (Taurus)

“Nodes of Polarity.” Pen. 2022.

It is easy to break free of confines when they are obvious; the Nature within is called to do so. There is a more subtle dialogue when feeling stable in comfort yet knowing something is not “right.” How do I lose myself in the numbing cycles of indulgence? When does comfort and stability shift into stagnation and irritability- to then seek the cause of such irritation to be some other? How do I limit myself by believing I have achieved what is the ultimate achievement, to then be fixed in the defending of this “achievement,” pretending this is fulfillment?

Thirteen signifies the relationship with self-accountability, an assessment of the quality of life in relation to perceived needs and how they are fulfilled. In relation to the analogy that is this series, the seedling at this point is coming to face boredom- a subtler form of agitation that finds truth within “comfort kills.” The shock that was the opening of the seed transitioned into the extension beyond the seed, which then became the sense of home and a new relationship with the sense of nourishment. All of these things have been exciting elements of change- but now, nothing is changing. Sure, the roots are extending little by little, gripping on to little stones or wedging between them; the upward growth is incrementally overcoming the pressure of the material over it. But...is this all that there is to it? In this moment, what has felt to be security surrounding is recognized to be pressure, a confining bondage holding self in place.

There is a sense of self-identity with external factors and influences. These factors and influences create boundaries around sensory desires, holding an individual within their design. In some sense these factors and influences generate a sense of stability, and at the same time restrict self-expression within limited ranges of what is and what is not acceptable. Energy is invested into these aspects, justified as if they are providing some sense of normalization/stability from which to grow.

Although there is some sense of living well relative to physical needs, there is a sense of compromising on self-worth by selling short in this exchange due to the agitation and discomfort intrinsic the growth cycle. Aging does not equate to a loss of vitality or youthful imagination: these components are consequence of self-compromise.

Who do I wish to be, truly? Who in my life do I subordinate myself to, subscribing to their authority out of my wish to “know”- or believe someone else does? How can I acknowledge this as giving them my “Soul Power,” giving them the right to be my “god?” What do I do in my free time when not employed to some other’s design? Do I create, enjoying the process in the recognition of its tediousness? Or do I endlessly consume, attempt to force the process of growth, lost in the distractions- numb to my own awareness of my own Heart Song?